It’s another Wednesday, and once again, thank you guys for your consistent submissions to us, and please keep them going! I’ll love to answer your queries and hope to provide an external opinion to whatever problems or issues that you might be facing. And without further ado, let’s take a look at today’s query from “JL”.
A&B have been my friends for two years now. I was always really thankful for them because they were always there for me and understood the problems I was going through because we were all suicidal. Aftee a while, they started getting a little violent- ish, like hitting me with their stuff and throwing things at me during PE. They dominated the friendship and I felt as if I had no say. They hid and took my stuff and when I’m pissed they just laugh it off. What really pisses me off is that I can’t do it to them or they will be annoyed. Example: A kicked me to the wall so hard that I injured my tailbone. I accidentally stretched my legs while sitting down and kicked her because she was sitting in front of me and A was pissed. They controlled who I was friends with. I finally got rid of them. I was a little too expressive when I talked to them and used vulgarities. Now, they are going around and telling everyone how I betrayed them and stomping on my reputation. Yet I still miss them. They were always there for me. Am I really the one who betrayed them? No matter what they did, they were always loyal and stood by me. I feel like I’m really the one who betrayed them.
While reading your entry, at first I was glad that you took measures to get rid of them, but it now worries me to see that you feel as if you’ve betrayed them. Putting aside the betrayal issue for now, what I personally feel from reading what you’ve shared is that you’ve done the right thing.
There is a saying, “misery loves company”. It basically means that when someone is depressed and feeling miserable, what cheers him/her up is not seeing people acting cheerful around him/her, but seeing that there are actually people worse off than himself/herself. And he/she will be more inclined to surround himself/herself with more of such people as a form of comfort. The thought that “I’m not so bad after all” is definitely comforting. But it is incredibly toxic to indulge in such thoughts. The motivations behind how the friendship between A&B and yourself got started are unclear to me, but seeing how you mentioned that all 3 of you have felt suicidal at one point in time suggests to me that this is actually what’s going on.
And their subsequent behaviour of being violent, controlling the friends that you meet, etc, seems to indicate that they don’t want to see you get better from your situation. These behaviours simply indicate that they are trying to step on you in order to make themselves feel better. Incidentally, most bullies in school are like that. They tend to suffer from a complex of some sort, i.e: superiority complex (I’m better than you so everyone should obey me) or inferiority complex (I’m inferior to everyone so I must pull other people down to my level), and expressing it through bullying is their way to satisfy their egos.
As such, please do not guilt yourself over removing them from your life. If moving on from them and getting to know a better set of friends is necessary to improve on your life and your well-being, then by all means please do so. They were there for you for a period in your life definitely, but that doesn’t mean that you owe them the rest of your life either. As mentioned in last week’s post, the people you meet throughout your life all have a certain role to play. They might be there to teach you a lesson, to serve as a challenge for you, or to guide you and mentor you. Appreciate them for what they have provided you with, and accept that not all of them will be able to stay.
As for what you should do now with regards to them besmirching your reputation? Simply do nothing. If it gets too overboard, then have a talk with your teacher or school counsellor. Otherwise, simply ignore. Because what A&B are trying to do is to provoke you as well as to gain sympathy from others and make you get condemned by others, in other words, putting you down. You have made the right choice in removing them from your life, so don’t fall for their provocations and “invite” them back in to wreck havoc in your life again.
Well, I hope this helps, and I look forward to hearing good news from you, JL!
Well, now it’s time for the fan submissions! We’ve only received a poem meant for Ryan and Sylvia over the past week from Jessie, so here we go!
A relationship, timeless
A love, binding
My friendship to you
I give everlasting
Through the rocky time
Through the coldest night
When I had not a single dime
You were my guiding light
Now my success I share with you
The one who was so true
To those friends and husband/ wife dear
I will always hold you near
Hope you liked it!!
That’s a really good poem. I hope you can continue writing poems like that, Jessie! Please keep it up, and do share them with us! 😀
Oh, and also, a message from Jamie, who has recently gotten into Mass Communications in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, and her aspirations is to work in the media industry as well.
Here is the text if you can’t see it clearly from the screenshot:
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