NOC Advises: How To Deal With An Abusive Friendship?

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

NOC Advises: How To Deal With An Abusive Friendship?

It’s another Wednesday, and once again, thank you guys for your consistent submissions to us, and please keep them going! I’ll love to answer your queries and hope to provide an external opinion to whatever problems or issues that you might be facing. And without further ado, let’s take a look at today’s query from “JL”.

 

A&B have been my friends for two years now. I was always really thankful for them because they were always there for me and understood the problems I was going through because we were all suicidal. Aftee a while, they started getting a little violent- ish, like hitting me with their stuff and throwing things at me during PE. They dominated the friendship and I felt as if I had no say. They hid and took my stuff and when I’m pissed they just laugh it off. What really pisses me off is that I can’t do it to them or they will be annoyed. Example: A kicked me to the wall so hard that I injured my tailbone. I accidentally stretched my legs while sitting down and kicked her because she was sitting in front of me and A was pissed. They controlled who I was friends with. I finally got rid of them. I was a little too expressive when I talked to them and used vulgarities. Now, they are going around and telling everyone how I betrayed them and stomping on my reputation. Yet I still miss them. They were always there for me. Am I really the one who betrayed them? No matter what they did, they were always loyal and stood by me. I feel like I’m really the one who betrayed them.

 

Hey JL,

 

While reading your entry, at first I was glad that you took measures to get rid of them, but it now worries me to see that you feel as if you’ve betrayed them. Putting aside the betrayal issue for now, what I personally feel from reading what you’ve shared is that you’ve done the right thing.

 

There is a saying, “misery loves company”.  It basically means that when someone is depressed and feeling miserable, what cheers him/her up is not seeing people acting cheerful around him/her, but seeing that there are actually people worse off than himself/herself. And he/she will be more inclined to surround himself/herself with more of such people as a form of comfort. The thought that “I’m not so bad after all” is definitely comforting. But it is incredibly toxic to indulge in such thoughts. The motivations behind how the friendship between A&B and yourself got started are unclear to me, but seeing how you mentioned that all 3 of you have felt suicidal at one point in time suggests to me that this is actually what’s going on.

 

And their subsequent behaviour of being violent, controlling the friends that you meet, etc, seems to indicate that they don’t want to see you get better from your situation. These behaviours simply indicate that they are trying to step on you in order to make themselves feel better. Incidentally, most bullies in school are like that. They tend to suffer from a complex of some sort, i.e: superiority complex (I’m better than you so everyone should obey me) or inferiority complex (I’m inferior to everyone so I must pull other people down to my level), and expressing it through bullying is their way to satisfy their egos.

 

As such, please do not guilt yourself over removing them from your life. If moving on from them and getting to know a better set of friends is necessary to improve on your life and your well-being, then by all means please do so. They were there for you for a period in your life definitely, but that doesn’t mean that you owe them the rest of your life either. As mentioned in last week’s post, the people you meet throughout your life all have a certain role to play. They might be there to teach you a lesson, to serve as a challenge for you, or to guide you and mentor you. Appreciate them for what they have provided you with, and accept that not all of them will be able to stay.

 

As for what you should do now with regards to them besmirching your reputation? Simply do nothing. If it gets too overboard, then have a talk with your teacher or school counsellor. Otherwise, simply ignore. Because what A&B are trying to do is to provoke you as well as to gain sympathy from others and make you get condemned by others, in other words, putting you down. You have made the right choice in removing them from your life, so don’t fall for their provocations and “invite” them back in to wreck havoc in your life again.

 

Well, I hope this helps, and I look forward to hearing good news from you, JL!

 

 

Well, now it’s time for the fan submissions! We’ve only received a poem meant for Ryan and Sylvia over the past week from Jessie, so here we go!

 

A relationship, timeless
A love, binding
My friendship to you
I give everlasting

Through the rocky time
Through the coldest night
When I had not a single dime
You were my guiding light

Now my success I share with you
The one who was so true
To those friends and husband/ wife dear
I will always hold you near

Hope you liked it!!

 

That’s a really good poem. I hope you can continue writing poems like that, Jessie! Please keep it up, and do share them with us! 😀

 

Oh, and also, a message from Jamie, who has recently gotten into Mass Communications in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, and her aspirations is to work in the media industry as well.

 

Here is the text if you can’t see it clearly from the screenshot:

Hi Cayden!
Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity to ask some questions that I have through my ECG Counsellor. I’ve always loved the content that NOC produces and I love the quality of it as well. I look up to all the NOC actors and producers, and even the animators and editors working there who I don’t know. I especially love the Food King series and look forward to new episodes every Friday, and I love how funny all your videos are. They never fail to brighten up my day and they aspire me to always chase my dreams. Living in Singapore, where we are a very small country, it’s hard to be well known overseas and make it big, especially in this world where there is the stigma and stereotype of Asians. But I hope this changes one day in the future.
I hope one day when I’m older, I get to meet the NOC cast and crew to thank all of you for inspiring me so much and being such a big part of my life. Thank you so much, and I love you guys so much!! Keep up the amazing work!!♡♡
PS. I really loved the video you guys did for National Day 2018. The cinematography was beautiful, and as a literature student in a photography and videography club, I absolutely enjoyed it. The message you guys painted with it was captivating, and the aesthetics of the video itself was gorgeous.
If you could, please share this message with all the actors and Ryan and Sylvia 🙂
Thank you Jamie for the message and hope that you’ll do well in Mass Comm! Perhaps you can join us one day as an intern or even a full-time producer! ^^
With that, thank you for reading, and please check back daily for more content!

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