It’s been a week since the last Advice Column entry, and I hope to still be able to do more of it, so please keep your queries coming in! I’ll try my best to answer them the best I can!
Without further ado, let’s delve in to the query we have received for this week by a user who wishes to be called anonymous123!
I love your content and savagery! It makes me feel happy that there’s someone so open. It inspires me. I’m a pretty outspoken person as well and usually more than happy to share my emotions and feelings. But when it comes to romantic relationship, it’s like my computer’s blue screen of death – a disaster.
I really loved my best friend back then but I could never bring the courage to say the words bcuz i knew nth would come out of it (various reasons). Then one day, it exploded. There was a huge argument/discussion and we concluded that we shouldn’t talk anymore. While we still wish each other the best, but I don’t think I can safely be friends with him without falling in love again. He has alot to handle too.
It’s been 3 years now, and I’m much better. But every now and then, I really miss him. I wish I could tell him about my day, I wish I could tell him how proud I am of the little things he does, I wish we could be cooking dinner tgt. I have been focusing on myself and my studies, but I can’t seem to fully let go? Help. I don’t want to “find another guy that’ll make me forget him” bcuz I feel like I need to settle my issues so I don’t bring it into my next relationship.
First of all, thank you for your kind words! I believe being honest and open is necessary to communicate and to bridge gaps between 2 persons. Because if someone is facing problems, listening to politically correct answers will definitely be the last things that he or she needs in order to move on with life.
Now let’s move on to your issue proper. To summarise the whole situation, essentially, you feel that you need closure in order to actually put a close to this chapter and move on with life and hopefully a better relationship. This problem is very common, and is often what causes someone to still remain stuck in the shadow of a previous relationship. Closure. Getting closure or answers from someone in your past sounds like a simple solution to a problem, but sad to say, it is not. The truth of the matter is that getting the answers from that person, or in your case, your ex-best friend, will not actually help you move on. Because as humans, we have this terrible habit of not knowing to be content, and not knowing when is it enough. Well, that is actually what helped us progress till this stage, but you get what I mean.
For example, let’s say among all the possible outcomes that might happen from you approaching him again to talk about the events that happened 3 years ago, there might be 2 outcomes that are preferable to you.
- The “We were so stupid back then, let’s be friends again” outcome
- The “These are my reasons for doing/saying what I did. I hope you understand” outcome
On the surface, these 2 outcomes are preferable to you because you will either gain back a lost friend, or to get the answers that you really wanted. But the thing is that, upon reaching either of this outcome, particularly the first one, can you be sure that the thought of “Let’s try again” won’t occur to you? Don’t you think that it is very likely that feelings for him which have remained dormant in the past 3 years could erupt once more now that you two are talking again, or that you have found out about his reasons, and start to give yourself, or even him, reasons that it will work out regardless? This is what I mean by not knowing enough is enough.
Hence, what I’m trying to say is that, there is always a purpose to a person’s existence in your life. It may be for a long period of time, or it can be a few short months or a few years, but there is always a purpose. The purpose may be to help you in your times of need, or to teach you a lesson that will help you in the long run. This best friend of yours could have taught you a lesson, and his role in your life is already over. What you really miss may not have been him, but the memories and the good times you all have had together before everything turned sour. These are the fond memories between you and him. What you should aim to do is to embrace the fact that there are existences in your life that you can never truly let go, and be open to accepting the next person in your relationship. Moving on with life is to accept that there are regrets in your life and still be ready to keep on taking the next step. What you can really do is to be careful about not making the same mistakes again with another person.
With that said though, platonic friendships are kind of tricky to manage and it tends to result in one falling for the other, but it’s all about managing it properly. But that’s something for another time. Hope it helps, anonymous123!
We’ve only received 1 query, so that’s all to the Advice column for this week. Do keep them coming in if you have anything that you might want to hear our perspectives on! Meanwhile, let’s have a look at the fan arts we have received!
Thank you for your consistent submissions, Jaylene! Your art style is so distinct now that I don’t even need to see who submitted it in to know it’s you. Thank you once again for always submitting your drawings weekly, and keep up the good work! Also, go watch our latest video, Imagination vs Reality!